A Valentine for Megatron
by BBailey
Summary: Someone has sent the mighty Megatron an erotic letter...but who?


I don't own transformers nor am I gaining anything from writing this, just doing it for shiz and giggles!

Megatron spent all night long working on his next plan to destroy the Autobots and then plunder the earth for its natural recourses. He was exhausted and desperately needed to recharge in his energon/hot tub.

Dragging himself away from the monotonous writings of the blue screen, he went to his hot tub and ran his hand through the sparkling electric energy, reveling in its warmth.

With a quick glimpse to one side, he caught sight of the silver piece of paper neatly folded along the edge of the bath.

"What's this?" he murmured, reaching for it and unfolding it. "A message left here from one of my warriors, perhaps?"

It was a love note!

Megatron's optics poured through the love letter. It was so erotically written, he would have blushed if his cheeks weren't made of steel plates.

"Who could have written such a letter?" he asked himself, recalling all of the femme bots he knew, wondering which had been bold enough to write such words…such sexy words.

Curiosity getting the best of him, he held down the button to his intercom system and called in Starscream.

A few minutes later, Starscream came bursting into the room.

"You called for me, Megatron?" he said, saluting.

"Yes, what took you so long?" he demanded.

"I was down the hall; I hurried as fast as I could."

"Close the door, I need to talk to you about something private." Megatron instructed, circling the hot tub, holding the glittering paper behind his back.

Uneasy, sure that Megatron was going to yell at him for something, Starscream reluctantly closed the door and then bravely lifting his chin, he approached Megatron. "The door is closed, what is it?"

Megatron wasn't sure how to approach this delicate matter. "Have you seen any femme bots come in here today?"

"Where?"

"My quarters, for the love of slag!" Megatron roared.

"No, I can't say that I have." Starscream shrugged and then looking around he asked. "Why? Did one of them steal something? I can personally have their quarters searched, if need be, mighty Megatron."

"No, it's nothing like that." He sighed, staring at the floor.

"What? Did one of them insult you?"

Megatron rolled his optics. "If one of them insulted me, why would I be asking you if any of them came in here today? Wouldn't I already know who it was?"

"Oh, yes." Starscream fidgeted.

"I might as well tell you." He said low, handing Starscream the shiny paper. "Read this and tell me what you think."

Starscream plucked the paper from Megatron's hands and his optics combed over the tender words. Looking up, Starscream swallowed hard and handed the paper back to Megatron.

"Well, what do you think?" Megatron asked.

"I don't know what to say." Starscream said, backing away. "I like you, Megatron, but you're not really my type. I'm flattered that you wrote that for me though."

Megatron's hands curled into tight fists at his side. "I didn't write it for you, dummy. I found this note by my energon tub and I'm asking you who you think may have written it!"

"Oh, you didn't write it for me?"

"No!" he snarled. "Do you know any femme bots that might have written this?"

"I don't know any femme bots." Starscream admitted. "Do you know any?"

"Of course I do, I know hundreds!"

"Then who do you think wrote it?"

"Uh…well…uh…I just want to…hear your opinion." Megatron stammered.

Starscream kneaded his chin in thought and then looking up; he snapped his fingers in new realization. "I know, what about Starflower?"

"Starflower," Megatron sighed. "That retard? I doubt she even knows how to write, who else do you know?"

"What about IceMoon?"

"Your mother?" Megatron gasped.

"I don't know any other femme bots." The seeker stuttered, shrugging helplessly.

Megatron climbed into his hot tub and then opened the note again, trying to recall in his mind's eye anyone that had acted differently to him in the last few days.

Holding the note in his hand, he looked back at Starscream. "Did you write this?"

"Oh no, it wasn't me, Megatron." He shook his head. "I would never write anything like that to you."

"You don't have to act like I have the rust plague or something." He snapped with a frown.

"I didn't mean it that way." Starscream explained. "If I were a femme bot, I'd defiantly go for you."

With a half grin, Megatron opened the chest plate to his spark and tucked the note inside, wanting to keep it next to his heart. "You don't suppose one of the other Decepticons wrote it, do you?" he asked.

"Rumble and Frenzy are the only Decepticons that I know of that like male bots." Starscream said, going to the side of the hot tub and leaning against it. "I shall go to their quarters and demand that they tell me which of them wrote this letter. I will shake it from their fairy bodies, if I must!"

"No, I rather you didn't." Megatron sighed, sinking back into the heated energon. "Some one might get the idea that I favor male bots, as well."

Starscream chuckled.

"Why do you find that funny, Starscream?" Megatron asked, eyeing him.

"I don't." he stammered, looking away.

"No, you were laughing and I want to know why!"

"I was thinking about something else…that's all."

"What?"

"Uh…I forgot."

Megatron sighed with annoyance and then leaning back in the sparkling electricity, he relaxed.

"And you're sure you didn't write it?" Megatron blurted, looking back at Starscream.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Because I could have sworn I've noticed you staring at me the last few days." Megatron pried, sitting upright in the swirling energon.

"I wasn't staring, I swear it."

"Did you see something you liked?" Megatron asked, scooting closer to the edge.

"Of course not." Starscream shook his head frantically. "I…"

"You what?  
"I was staring because it looked as if you had put on a few pounds."

"What!" Megatron roared so loudly that everything within the compound shook.

Grumbling under his breath, Megatron laid back in the soothing energon and tried to block out Starscream's last remark.

"Put on weight, me?" he thought to himself. "Well, I never."

Starscream went to the computer and flipped on the intercom system.

"Attention, all Decepticons!" he announced through the loud speakers. "Megatron received a very personal note today left in his bed chamber. He demands that the Decepticon or Decepticons responsible to report to his chambers immediately, that is all."

"Megatron?"

"What is it?" he grumbled.

"Did you possibly write that note to yourself?"

"What? Don't be absurd!" he shouted.

"I have an idea; I shall go around Cybertron and ask every bot that I see if they know who wrote that note."

"No, that's not a good idea."

"Why not?"

"It just isn't." Megatron insisted.

Suddenly the screen to his computer flashed on, the face of Elite One appeared on the monitor.

"Megatron, this is Elite One calling from Iakon."

"Yes, what is it?" he growled, not amused at being bothered by his enemy's woman.

"I wouldn't ordinarily bother with the likes of you, but I am calling regarding a certain letter that was sent to you today."

"This letter?" he questioned, opening his chest plate and pulling it out, holding it high enough for her to see from the monitor. "You wrote it?"

"Yes, I did." She said low, her optics wavering.

"To me, but why?"

"Not for you!" she gasped, her face plate nearly draining of color. "It was for Optimus Prime, it was sent to Dark Mount by mistake!"

"Really, because I could have sworn you were seducing me with your optics." Megatron purred, slinking back into the heated energon.

"No, I was looking you over because I could have sworn you put on a few pounds." Elite One retorted coldly. "Elite one, out."

Megatron sighed as the screen went black.

"Now what will you do, mighty Megatron?" Starscream asked. "Everyone at Dark Mount thinks you got a love letter."

"They will still think it!" Megatron said determinedly. "I will not be made to look like a fool!"

"But who will you say wrote it?"

After a few minutes of silence, Megatron sat up and eyed Starscream knowingly. "You will tell them you wrote it."

"Me, but Megatron…"

"I will tell them that it was you who had a crush on me since the beginning of time and that since we can not cross the line between leader and follower, I had to let you down easy." Megatron said, liking the idea as he thought it up.

"But…Megatron."

"Yes, even though you're crushed by the whole idea of letting me go, it was I who had to inform you that we must only be friends and nothing more."

"But…Megatron."

"What is it, for slag's sake?"

"The other Decepticons will think I like male bots."

"So? Better you than me." He said. "Infact, I want you to write a bunch of letters to set around my chambers so that the story is believable. Grab that pen from my desk over there and I'll tell you what to write."

"But Megatron…"

"Dearest Megatron, my love…" Megatron began, shaking a finger.

"But Megatron…" Starscream stuttered.

"Shut up and start writing!" he growled.

"Yes sir."


End file.
